It is Opening Day for Major League Baseball. A day when all things seem possible. A day when the Atlanta Braves promise not to break your hearts this year. The day the Cubs show you how great of a season they could have. A day when we all believe. We are full of hope, full of optimism, and full of dreams. We love baseball. It still is America’s favorite past-time. I know America loves football but it is changing forever. All the free agency and NIL money in college is ruining that sport. Now in the NFL you can’t even tackle opponents! Just make it flag football and move on. Baseball remains relatively pure. I mean I still don’t like the DH rule but I guess it is here to stay. Baseball for the most part is constant. Not much has changed since I was a kid watching the Braves on TBS and the Cubs on WGN. For some reason, we in Alabama got WGN on our tv’s and had all the Cubs games. So, I grew up watching the Cubs and Braves. The Cubs have won 3 World Series in their long history, while the Atlanta Braves have won two. The Braves have won both of theirs during my lifetime. Those two were special. Yet, can any be as special as the 2016 Chicago Cubs winning the World Series? The first for them in 108 years.

Baseball fans are loyal. We will root for a team that constantly breaks our hearts, I am looking at you Atlanta. So ladies if you are looking for a man to date, find out if he loves baseball and if he has a favorite team. He can’t be a Dodgers fan, that is bandwagon behavior and he will leave you for the next pretty girl. No, find you a guy who is committed to a team that has constantly broken his heart, again I am side-eyeing you Atlanta. A loyal baseball team fan will make a good man. If he made it through the 2023 Braves and is still sporting the A, he is a solid man.

So as a new season begins remember this, baseball is a place to escape. A place to go to get away from it all. I believe it is the hardest of the major sports. A 100 mph fastball coming at you is crazy. The MLB season is 162 games long. That is a long grind, and that is the point. It reflects our life. It is hard, it is a grind, it isn’t easy, and it comes at you fast. So, sit back and enjoy this season, and Go Cubs Go and Chop On!

The bread aisles are empty. The milk freezers are empty. The toilet paper aisle is bare. The Little Debbies are stocked. This was the scene at my local WallyWorld last night. People were panic shopping. The guru of weather, Spann the Man, has said we will get winter weather. On Martin Luther King Jr. day, most Alabamians are sitting at home, waiting, wishing, hoping. What will happen? Will it be the “Blizzard of 93” or an ice rink? Will it be pretty snow, or will it be sleet and ice? Will 65 get closed down? Will you loose power? All of these are valuable questions. My guess is that we will get ice and sleet here. When we do, please follow these guidelines.

1. Learn how brakes work. I know you think this is simple, but we all have seen the people who must think to themselves “Yeah it is icy, I am going to drive extra fast, and then slam on the brakes!’ What we need to do is slow your roll, give extra space, and pump the brakes. Better yet, stay home.
2. Layer Up. We all have seen the guy in flip-flops, shorts, and a Carhart jacket. Then he’s freezing. Wear some layers. Cover your head. Maybe even slip on some non-slip shoes. Or again, stay home.
3. Be Prepared. Little Debbies must be stocked at my house. I go through phases. Currently,, I am in a Donut Stick phase, so I bought a box last night, a “Big Pack” box. It is important to stock the things you actually want to eat, not milk sandwiches.
4. Closed Roads. If the road is closed and you wreck on it, your insurance will not cover it. We all know the guy who thinks that a closed road doesn’t apply to them. If you want to make a few extra dollars during the snowstorm, get a four-wheel drive truck and a snatch strap. You can pull people out of the ditch for $20

Please be careful out there. It is just for a couple of days. I know that you may be trapped with family, but this too shall pass. Stay safe friends.

My pastor says he is going to preach that sermon one of these days. He says people are nicer in a bar than they are at church. If you don’t believe that statement, just sit in an old ladies reserved spot in church and you will learn the hard way. Pro tip. If you approach a seat or pew that has a blanket on it, just keep moving. That mean glare from the little old lady that sits there just isn’t worth it. Now as you read on just know that in humor is always some truth.

In A Bar…..

In a bar if you have nowhere to sit, somebody will move around so you can sit by them. In a church people will dig in like an Alabama tick and won’t let you sit by them. In a bar if you fall down, someone will help you up. If you fall down at church, people will think you are in a Holy Ghost fit and leave you lying there. In a bar if you have no money, someone will buy you a drink. If you don’t have money at church, surely you aren’t saved. In a bar people are friendly and will talk you to death. In a church, some people won’t even talk to you if you are wearing orange and blue. In a bar people sing along to every song. In a church, you’d be shunned for singing loud, and if you sway or move, straight to Hell. In a bar people will come up to you and introduce themselves. In a church, people will barely acknowledge you. Sing along, “ Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name” In a bar it is always fun. In a church, fun is outlawed. In a bar, someone will sit and listen to you talk. In a church, people don’t want to talk at all, it is too early.

In A Church……..

In a church people will come to see you when you are sick. In a church people will come to your funeral. In a church people will celebrate the birth of a child. In a church people will cry with you. In a church people will come to your funeral. In a church people who love you will bring you banana pudding. In a church people do life together. In a church somebody will pray for you. In a church people will miss you when you aren’t there. In a church people will always bring you a casserole after a death in the family. In a church people will help you get your truck unstuck from the mud. In a church people adopt kids for Christmas and buy them gifts. In a church people get fed. In a church people get clothed. In a church people meet others need. In a church people meet Jesus. In a church people get sober. In a church people get married. In a church people get saved. In a church people get redeemed. In a church people find their hundredth second chance. In a church people can explore their talents and gifts. In a church people find purpose. In a church God takes us all, good and bad. Thank God.

Find you a church, and be loved!

It is the week of Thanksgiving. That means turkey and dressing, tryptophan naps, Macy’s parade, black Friday deals, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, and family. I am currently on the beach where it is sunny and 75. Our family has adopted “Sand Turkey” as our annual Thanksgiving trip. We decided there was too much stress, busyness, and chaos. Now we just roll into PCB and relax. Turkey and dressing have been replaced with shrimp and steak. Panama City Beach is different this time of year. It is quiet. Eerily quiet. We went down the Strip last night to get a milkshake, and there was nobody out, all the stores were closed, and it was like a ghost town. Of course, most folks here are 65+ this time of year and have already eaten their afternoon lunch special as late as possible and headed to bed.

Sand Turkey has its origins in my wife’s side of the family. They used to own a beach house in Navarre. They would have Thanksgiving at the beach and dubbed it “Sand Turkey”. My dearly departed mother-in-law, Pat, always felt melancholy on Thanksgiving. Her first husband Don passed away on Thanksgiving. When people ask me if I believe in soulmates, Pat is always my reason to say no. She was married to Don for 25 years and Clyde for over 25 years too! Sometimes it is about whom you choose and less about the soulmate aspect.

My wife and I adopted this tradition and have been beaching for years now. We have had a wonderful time. It is quiet, laidback and much easier. Honestly, I only miss one thing from a traditional Thanksgiving meal, that’s Pat’s dressing. Otherwise, I enjoy my steak and shrimp. The best part of Sand Turkey is family. As I have gotten older, I just enjoy the time with family. The last few years have really proven just how short life is. So, enjoy your family, tryptophan naps, and Happy Thanksgiving!

It is Halloween. That means candy, trick or treating, and rolling yards. Kids will be out hustling for candy with their parents in tow. The kids that have gotten older will be given a little free rein to run with their friends. I have realized that I have gotten older. When I was a kid, the neighborhood kids on Pine St. would run wild across the neighborhoods, begging for candy. All the while our parents stayed home and socialized with other adults. Now, I am that parent. Tonight my kids will be running wild, and I will be handing out candy with my adult friends. Afterwards, the real fun begins. That is when the yard rolling begins. This is yard rolling season and is generally accepted that it ends on Halloween unless you are an Auburn fan who rolls Toomers Corner about 6 times during football season. When we were teenagers this was peak rolling season. We would spend days making confetti. We would save money for eggs, shaving cream, cat litter, soap, Tang, and of course toilet paper. Toilet paper back then could be bought for pennies. You could get a pallet full for $5 back then. Now, it is an exotic item it seems. I think the statute of limitations for vandalism yard rolling has passed, so I can talk freely about it.

When I tell you that we had a crew in high school that was rolling yards, I mean we had a crew that was a well-oiled machine. Everyone had an assigned task. We planned out the process like a bank heist. We scouted the location. We knew who had motion lights and who had dogs. We had a ladder to get on the roof so that the guy on the roof could catch the toilet paper as it went over the house, or catch the patio furniture as we tossed it to him. We had the throwers, who could get the rolls high in the trees because we had weighted them down. The idea was to have the whole yard vandalized, rolled. That is why we had the confetti. I mean pounds and pounds of shredded paper in 5-gallon black bags. We had shaving cream for every window on the property. We had dog treats to keep a barking dog busy, and we would spray them with hair dye for Halloween. We had silly string by the case. We had eggs by the gross. We would soap car windows. We had saran wrap by the ton, procured from a local manufacturer. We would wrap their cars in it. We also never rolled someone we liked. It was someone we didn’t like. Kids these days roll their friend’s yards. We would have never. We would fork words or names in the yard. Meaning we would use plastic forks in the ground to spell out words, which could be seen until spring. If they had a pool, that’s where the Tang went. If they had patio furniture, it went on the roof. We would kitty litter the shrub area, a little gift for later. We never pulled the ole dog poop-in-a-bag trick though. One time we met up with another crew, and they would put cars on blocks, true story, it looked like a NASCAR crew. Sometimes we would put deer corn in the yards too! Western Kentucky has tons of deer, and we would lure them to one person’s yard! Also, we would of course smash pumpkins. They were on their way out at this time anyway. One would sneak up onto a porch, grab and smash, and then run. I am pretty sure that’s where Billy Corgan got the idea for his band name.

Today kids are different. They barely use a 12-pack of toilet paper. They are not putting the effort in any longer. No confetti at all. They roll their friends. They admit it and help clean it up. We still wouldn’t admit to it to this day. We were like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. “Flick? Flick who?” All the while Flick is stuck to a frozen pole. I will say this, one time we broke a window, we all pooled up our money and placed it in an envelope with a ransom-type letter where all the letters had been cut out, that said “Sorry about the pane” and left it in their mailbox at 2 in the morning. No harm meant. If someone was home and came out to catch you, it was like a prison break, every man for himself. The faster you could run, the better. The driver waited for nobody. If a porch light came on, the driver was gone to the rendevous spot. Of course, we all wore black and had no flashlights, and cell phones still came in a purse, so there were none of those. We can’t even imagine that now. It was a whole different world. So to all those who may roll some yards tonight, put in some effort! Happy Halloween!

It is funny how the smells of certain things transport us back in time. I was out the other day headed to a fishing hole. The smell of cotton came permeating through my truck and I was transported back to 1993. Joe Diffie was singing about John Deere Green. Everyone was into dinosaurs because Jurassic Park had just come out that summer. “Whoomp There It Is’ was bumping from every car. I had moved back to the state of Alabama in the summer of 93, and the high school I attended was surrounded by cotton fields. (Go Senators) There really was a cotton field on all four sides of the school. If a kicker was trying for an extra point and was a good kicker, the ball would sail into a cotton field out the back side of the end-zone. Kids would scramble through the field to get the football. We had a student streak the field one time, and he went butt nekkid through the cotton field. When I saw him the next day, he was cut up from the chest down, which explains the howling we heard when the moon disappeared into the cotton field. Cotton was everywhere at the time. Now, those fields have sub-divisions in them, and people piled on top of each other.

I picked cotton once. A few friends and I thought we could make extra money by picking the cotton the machines missed at harvest time. The pay was excellent, the job was terrible. One of Dante’s circle of hell is picking cotton in the summer heat, another is standing in line at the DMV, or behind someone with no clue at a self-checkout. There were four of us. The field looked like it was at least the size of Rhode Island. We worked all day, and when we looked back, we had maybe covered two hundred yards. The next day, I was the only one who showed up. The guy that hired us told me that it was a high turnover job. What he didn’t tell us is why. First, cotton is rough on your hands. The “fruit” of the cotton plant is the boll. The boll has sharp edges and will wreck havoc on your hands. I still have a scar on one of my hands from those stupid bolls. Another thing they don’t tell you is about snakes. They love to hide in cotton fields, as does every fly, mosquito, mouse, and Chupacabra. If you are in the field around sunset, bats buzz through there eating mosquitos, and you cheer them on, until one buzzes you. They also don’t tell you how hot and stuffy it is. The sun beats down on you and you are wearing thick clothes to prevent the bolls from piercing your skin, and it makes for a miserable combination. There is no air moving through those fields either. The cotton seems to hold the humidity in close to the ground. It is thick. I don’t know that I am the best spokesman for the cotton industry.

Cotton is no longer king in Alabama. As recorded in “Alabama: The History of a Deep South State,” a British visitor to Mobile in 1858 said the people lived in “cotton houses and ride in cotton carriages. They buy cotton, sell cotton, think cotton, eat cotton, drink cotton and dream cotton.” That was certainly true for the state’s early history. Now, Alabama is modern. We manufacture Mercedes Benz here. We make Yellawood here. We make fire hydrants for the world here. Buds Best Cookies is headquartered in Hoover. I think I am going to get me a handful of Buds Best Lemon Crème cookies and be glad I am not having to pick cotton for money!

It is officially Fall here in Alabama. It is going to be close to 90 this week in Alabama. One of my favorite things about Fall in Alabama is that no matter the weather, people will dress for the season and not the weather. I cannot wait to see women in sweaters just sweating through them. Jeans, boots, and a flannel shirt, all covered in sweat. I just find that humorous. We all know people like this. It may be hot in Alabama until November some years.

Fall in Alabama is all about football. College football rules in Alabama. You are sworn to an allegiance to Alabama or Auburn. There are no other options. You choose as a child or are forced into a devotion, and live your life out in those fandoms. Occasionally a child will go into revolt and cheer for the opposite team. For example, a family of Alabama fans will have a kid go to Auburn. That child has become an outcast. Cut from the will. Left out of the family group chat. Some poor mother is probably up all night praying for them like a prodigal son. Here in Alabama college football brings people together. It is common ground. It is a foundation on which people build lifelong friendships. College football helped the state of Alabama overcome racism. Alabama’s first black college player signed in 1969. Although Wilbur Jackson was the first black player Alabama had, it was John Mitchell who saw the field first. The longtime Pittsburgh Steelers assistant and current assistant head coach wound up starting all 24 games over two seasons and becoming a two-time All-Southeastern Conference performer. Jackson became a star running back for Alabama, the only school to offer him a scholarship. He was a first-round draft pick in 1974 by the San Francisco 49ers, where he played five seasons before spending three more with the then-Washington Redskins. All of that came at the hands of Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. A moment of silence, please. Now The Bear had the power to create change in the state and college football. Bo Jackson said when the Bear called him, it was like an out-of-body experience. People in Bo’s neighborhood would come over to see the phone The Bear called on. So, college football did help change the racial landscape of the state of Alabama. I mean Bo Jackson is a state legend. Everyone loves Bo, except Bama fans.

Another sure sign of Fall is pumpkins. It is a law that every house in Alabama has a minimum of 6 pumpkins. Halloween decorations have already been up. Some people get their Halloween decorations out before Walmart does. When I say pumpkin season, I mean pumpkin everything. Pumpkin spice, pumpkin spice hand soap, body spray, and everything you can think of. Would it be odd to even mention Little Debbie has Pumpkin Delights and a pumpkin spice roll? The pumpkin spice roll is a Zebra Cake dressed up for fall. It is not good, at all. The pumpkin delight is horrible too. Neither is worth the calories. So, avoid them. That is hard for me to advise though. Telling someone to steer clear of a Little Debbie is like telling somebody to not breathe!! The only pumpkin Little Debbie I recommend is the pumpkin-shaped brownies.